Look Lively
Ten-twelve AM, the line at the grocery store. I thought this was supposed to be the Express lane? Fifteen items or less, lady. You look like you’re buying for a Firehouse. I wonder if birds have any idea—okay look, I don’t want to alarm you, so stay calm, but there is a girl looking in your direction. She’s at your three, and my God, she’s staring right at you. Don’t look! Whatever you do, don’t look. It’s okay.
Do you have something on your face? Feel around—quickly. But be non-chalant! There we go. You look thoughtful and wise—intelligent even. Okay, nothing on my face. Is she still—holy shit she’s still looking. What’s going on here? Stay calm. God, my shoes are so squeaky today. I hate when my shoes are squeaky. It wouldn’t be so bad but it looks like they just waxed this floor.
What is wrong with me? Why is she looking at me? She probably thinks I look weird. Don’t just stare at me! Come over and say something. Wait, I’m supposed to do that. I can’t do that! I just got off work! I’m still in my uniform. Why today? I’m so hung over. And is she—yeah, she’s blonde. Of course she is. Is she, is she smiling? Yeah, she’s smiling. Smile back. Smile back! That was so unnatural. You look like a fool. Why is this line taking so—Christ, this woman has a coupon for everything.
“You got a coupon to save me some time?”
Why is everyone looking at me. Did I just say that out loud? Oh my God I just said that out loud. The girl probably—she’s laughing. Okay dude, just chill, let’s think about this. Say something funny about the tabloids.
“Michael Jackson spotted in the Caribbean? And he’s black again? I love these things.”
Score! She’s laughing. Shit, and she’s handing the guy her money! Come on, lady! She’s walking out the door. She’s walking out the door! You can’t just leave all your stuff here, someone will—you know what?
“Fuck it. It’s 2010.”
